I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
