Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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