Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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