some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
