david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
