I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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