Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
