Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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