Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
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everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
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I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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