The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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