Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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