Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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