let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
