..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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