I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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