I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
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Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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