I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
