just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
