We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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