Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
