I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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