Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
