Who wears a wallet chain?!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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