U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i love accidental penises.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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