GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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