these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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