I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
