Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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