theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
