I'm going to rape someone's good day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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