Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
