I can't watch pbs sober anymore
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
