I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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