Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
