Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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