How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
