I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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