Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you would pick up someone in the library
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
