Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
