remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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