We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
