Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
