The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
third nipple confirmed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
