i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
