I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
