I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so let's talk penis.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
