she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
