true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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