Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
