My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
