"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
