what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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