I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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