her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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