he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
