I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
