Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
