YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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