When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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