Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize