I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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