Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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