And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
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I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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