a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
