Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
