I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
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E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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