Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
