K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
