I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
