she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
